Age is Just a Number: Adventures in Online Dating

Excerpt: Connections

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 12:08:00 +0000

Connections – Date of Publication: July 2008

(Romantic Comedy)

Connections is a romantic comedy that’s perfect for today’s world where love is often found in Cyberspace.

Monday through Friday, for one hour a day, newspaper reporter Christianna Dayne’s life is wonderful. Despite her hectic life, she always manages to spend her lunch hour at Cyber Town where she can catch up with her best friend Samantha, grab a bite to eat, and most importantly, hook up with her cyber boo online. Christianna is definitely feeling LitGuy66, but she’s too afraid to meet him because she doesn’t want reality to come crashing down around her. What Christianna doesn’t know is she’s not in control; fate is, and when fate puts a flesh and blood man before her – a man who just happens to not only be her possible Mr. Wonderful but also her ultimate scoop – Christianna must decide whether to flee or stick around and pursue the endless possibilities.

EXCERPT

I smiled when I noticed my girlfriend, Samantha, working. I waved, skipping over to her.

“You’re awfully giddy today,” she said as she handed a customer his change.

Approaching the counter, I leaned over, widening my smile.

“Actually, no,” I replied. “I’m tired, pissed, and cold as hell, but you know I couldn’t miss my lunch date.”

“What did Dave do this time?”

Samantha and I laughed. Dave was brothers with Samantha’s stepfather, so she knew all the dirt on him—even what wasn’t fit to print.

“Sam, he has me doing yet another mission impossible which means I won’t be able to hang with you this week.”

Sam’s icy blue eyes widened before she slapped the counter and chuckled. “Um, excuse me,” she said in her hard born-in-New-York accent, which so contrasted with her epitome-of-American-beauty blond hair, blue eyes, and model figure. “When was the last time we went out? You never go out.” She wiped the counter and nodded, her long blond hair dipping over her shoulders. “Which explains why you haven’t dated in how long?”

I raised my eyebrow. “Sam, I didn’t come here to be reprimanded for being a spinster.” I sighed. “Besides, dear old Mom already beat you to this convo over the weekend.”

Sam reached across the counter and patted my hand.

“I’m sorry, chica,” she said. She brightened and added, “But you do have your date today. How long has this been going on, two months now, right?”

I broke into a jaw-hurting smile. “Yeah,” I said as if shy.

“Why don’t you two just get over it and meet? It’s not like it’s a crime to meet someone on the Internet these days or anything.”

I pushed my thick, wiry hair back from off my face and blew into my hands. “I never really thought about it. I mean, he sounds too good to be true, and this one hour of my day makes me so happy. I would hate us to meet and negative vibes pop off. Then, I wouldn’t have this…” I lifted my arms and spun in a circle before I pointed to my favorite spot in the café.

Sam’s eyes moved toward my PC in the corner and then back to me. “Chris, you need to stop playing what if. I mean this could be the guy for you.”

“What’s gotten into you, Sam?” I asked, laughing. “You’re hardly the advocate for Internet romance. I often wonder why you even work here because I can bet you that a lot of these people come here to talk to people they are interested in romantically.”

“I guess I just see you in here, every Monday through Friday, talking for your hour, and floating out of the door because you’re so happy. Maybe I’d like to see you happy for more than one hour a day, five days a week.”

I smiled at my girl, taking her hands in mine and giving them a squeeze. I glanced at the contrast of our hands—hers being alabaster and mine the color of cinnamon. I chuckled, thinking of how people often looked at our color; raised brows at our loud, usually not politically correct discussions; and refused to see that we were sisters beyond our hues. Since we hooked up and lucked out as roommates our first year of college, Sam and I had been joined at the hip. Not even full-time jobs or the daily grind of life could keep us from staying connected.

“Thanks, Sis,” I said. “I know you’re just worried about my so-called love life. Not all of us can be graced to have a love like you and Jake.”

“True, but you know Jake and I have our problems…”

I gave Sam a serious look, before asking, “So how are things, between you, Jake, Jax, and Jamaica?”

“It’s going,” Sam said, sighing. “Jake and I can do nothing but continue loving each other and watching out for Jax. Jax is so young. I don’t want to hurt her with her mother’s crazy issues. If Jamaica is going to act up, then we’ll just have to deal with it then. She’s been okay since we talked to her, but you never know.”

I nodded. Our conversation was halted as a guy approached the counter. Wow, I thought, he’s cute. I knew Sam was thinking the same thing because she offered me a smirk before helping him.

“What can I do for you?” she asked.

“Uh, yeah,” he said, looking rushed, “can I get a cup of coffee and a turkey Swiss croissant?”

“Sure thing.”

“Ditto on that order, Sam, but make my coffee a caramel latte, please.” She nodded and turned away. I drummed my fingertips along the counter, catching glimpses of the guy out of the corner of my eye.

“Hi,” he said, catching me glancing. I turned toward him, a blush rising in my cheeks.

“Hi,” I replied, embarrassed. Now looking directly at him, I was like Elvis, all shook up.

He was gorgeous, in that artsy kind of way, and his Hispanic heritage just added to his machismo factor. He had the most beautiful pair of brown eyes—after my own—and a nice full mouth. He ran his hand over his slightly spiky brown hair and offered the other to me.

Want to know what happens to Christianna and her cyber boo? Pick up a copy of CONNECTIONS today – it’s only $1.95 – enjoy it over a sweet latte.

This e-story by Shonell Bacon can be purchased via (Lady Leo Publishing)!

Once you read it, go check her out and let her know what you think! She'll post your comments!

Contest: The Next Top Poet of MySpace!

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Sun, 04 May 2008 01:45:00 +0000

..
Comment | Copy This

The Man On His Way

Emotional
mind all over the map
angry,
affected, rejected, dejected
I almost elected
to withdraw from the fray,
caught up in patterns of yesterday
totally unrelated
nevertheless projected
negativity had its hold
your character tried
and unprotected

Rational
mind fought the good fight
God's word to me
brought my flaws to light
no assassination
allowed on His watch
He said to me
With a gentle touch

All in all
I'm proud of me
Hanging like Zaccheus
up in the tree
Scared I might fall
but willing to hold on
Cause I want an audience
with the man on his way
who really has so much to say
that I want to hear
come what may

The above represents the audio and written versions of my entry into the NEXT TOP POET (MNTP) COMPETITION hosted by Yasmin Coleman of APOOO Books. I chose this poem because a friend whose opinion I value highly, thought it was the bee's knees. It's usually hard for me to judge because I don't consider myself to be a poet(ess) just a writer/author who loves words and the challenge of seeing how many I can make rhyme in a row and still make sense... lol.

Every once in a while, if I feel strongly enough, or the Holy Spirit inspires me... I come up with a true gem. The above was engendered by an online relationship. (What... surprised? Come on... I am the author of Age is Just a Number: Adventures in Online Dating lol)

The party did a disappearing act and I began to doubt my judgment and his character. The above was my attempt to explain to him, how his unexplained silence was judged... by me, initially.

He thought I was slamming him and felt hurt... go figure... I thought I had worked that out by the time the third stanza came around... but maybe not?

Anyway... I hope you enjoy and I'd love to hear your comments and/or feelings about the piece. And if, and only if, you deem it worthy. I'd appreciate your show of support by voting for it/me on May 4th.

Peace,
~D

Excerpt: Still Hot: The Uncensored Guide to Divorce, Dating & Sex

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 11:16:00 +0000

The following is an excerpt from the book Still Hot
by Sue Mittenthal and Linda Reing
Published by Running Press; March 2008;$12.95US/$13.95CAN; 978-0-7624-3112-0
Copyright © 2008 Sue Mittenthal and Linda Reing

Keyword: cheating

Be alert to suspicious activity surrounding your husband's high-tech gizmos. These are a dead giveaway. Especially if you know how to hack.

Has his BlackBerry turned into a CrackBerry addiction?
Is he up at two in the morning, IM'ing "the office"?
Did he schlep a laptop on your family trip to the Grand Canyon ?
And make nine secretive Airphone calls from the plane?
As if he's the Secretary of State?
On Air Force One?
When he's really a Rite Aid pharmacist in coach?

This is credible intelligence. Elevate the homeland security risk to SEVERE, and prepare for evacuation -- his.

Out of nowhere, his cell phone reception has permanently deteriorated -- but only at home. He now needs to leave the house in order to get a signal. He does this furtively and often.

You turn on the computer and notice his new screen name: "HotRod287."

Suddenly he has a weak bladder. Every time you go out to dinner, he uses the facilities at least three times. You catch him tucking away his BlackBerry as he emerges from the men's room.

Remember how you used to sit with your legs slung across his lap while you watched TV? Now his cell phone occupies your spot. Plus he leaves the room during the last four minutes of the Super Bowl because he just got a text message.

Does Liz's experience sound familiar? Before her husband went on a business trip, she asked how to reach him at his hotel. "I'll be in suite 1277 , but just call my cell," he replied. "I turn off the room phone because I get wrong numbers all night long." Uh-huh. Liz didn't have to be be Nancy Drew to figure out the following:

He wasn't staying at that hotel.
In fact, there wasn't a room 1277 at that hotel.
Because there were only seven floors in that hotel.
He wasn't even in the city where the hotel was located.
His business associates weren't coming along.
He didn't want to be disturbed.
Particularly by Liz.

Every time you walk by, he immediately shuts down the computer.

When he goes to take a shower, he stashes his Black Berry in the pocket of his robe and locks the bathroom-door. It's a good fifteen minutes before he turns on the water.

While your family vacations at a lakeside cottage, he's pacing the dock. Every other day, he drives forty miles to an Internet café, claiming that "they have the only authentic espresso in the area."

You find him crunched in the closet, whispering on his cell phone while pretending to select a tie.

When you go online to Google a restaurant, you notice that the most recently visited website on the computer is russianladies.com.

And that he put a personal password on his Word documents. After you guess it in thirty seconds, you find drafts of letters to "Svetlana, my zaichik*."

Rifling through the filing cabinet, you spot a new folder marked "Travel." Inside, you find Map Quest directions from Minsk to Kiev.

Oh, sweetie. The worst is yet to come.

*Bunny Rabbit

Copyright © 2008 Sue Mittenthal and Linda Reing

About the Authors:
Sue Mittenthal has worked as both an editor and writer for newspapers and magazines. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Boston Globe, Esquire, Family Circle, Glamour, Ladies’ Home Journal, Reader’s Digest, McCall’s and Consumer Reports. She is currently a freelance writer in New York .

Linda Reing began practicing for a career as a stand-up comic at age 7. When she realized that this would mean performing in front of audiences, she quickly changed gears. Over the years she has continued to embrace humor as her means of coping with the world, as well as a way to entertain friends and family. She is a fundraiser and lives in New York City .

The authors met when their children were toddlers and reconnected when their husbands toddled off.

For more info rmation, please visit http://stillhotbook.blogspot.com/.

Blog Tour: Meet Victorya Michaels Rogers

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 05:00:00 +0000

Happy Valentine’s Day! Online dating can be adventure to say the least as Dee has found out. Here are some tips out of my latest dating book THE AUTOMATIC 2nd DATE to make your adventure a bit more fun and “successful” as you anticipate your next first date, whether you met him online, at church or through a friend.

Victorya Michaels Rogers, author THE AUTOMATIC 2nd DATE

DEE: Your new book offers a unique dating approach. Why focus so much on getting a 2nd date?

VICTORYA: If you can’t get past the first date, you won’t be booking a honeymoon anytime soon. The sad thing is ladies who would really be great catches are just blowing it and scaring their dates away by making silly, careless mistakes on their first dates—like talking too much, obsessing on exes, talking about marriage, calling the guy before or after the first date. If they just tweak a few of their dating behaviors, they can transform their dating life without changing who they are! If these secrets become a habit, you can stop stressing about first dates and focus on your man and deciding if HE is the great catch and worth your time. When you do that, 2nd dates become automatic.

DEE: 98 of 100 first dates asked you out for a 2nd! Were you just a natural at dating or was there a point in your dating life where things dramatically changed to gain that high percentage?

VICTORYA: I was NOT a natural at dating. They don’t teach you how to date in school. Sure I had my share of 1st dates, but I didn’t have my first BOYFRIEND until I was 21! It wasn’t until utter frustration at 23 that I decided to really study the art of dating. I read every dating book on the shelves and observed successful couples and watched the celebrities around me since I was in Hollywood. I learned the walk and the talk and finally men took notice, asked me out and the 2nd dates began to become automatic.

DEE: How can one back on the dating scene after a long absence adopt this hopeful attitude?

VICTORYA: Before you jump back into the world of dating allow yourself time to heal and reflect on where you’ve been. What was missing in your past love life? This is your season to really make it all about you. Love yourself first and deliberately pursue the life you always wanted! If you’re a single mom, obviously you need to seriously consider the needs of your children. But you also have to take care of you and come up with what you really want in a relationship before you start dating again. If you don’t know what you want then you’ll just date whoever takes notice and most likely that is was your problem in the past. You are valuable deserve to have a great relationship. But you have to believe that and know to recognize him when is comes along!

DEE: You say every woman has an internal “Male GPS.” What is it and how do we use it?

VICTORYA: Available men are everywhere -- at the drive-thru, at work, at school, at church, at restaurants, at the mall, the gas station, sporting events, etc. You just have to know what you’re looking for and believe he exists. The Male GPS –male global positioning satellite—is in your mind. Your mind is an extremely power instrument that is always working and wants to be right! We’re just bombarded with so much information we need to focus. When you think about something enough, amazingly it seems to begin appearing everywhere you go. Let’s talk cars as an example. If you want that new blue Honda SUV, of course you believe it exists and it’s on your mind so it suddenly stands out every time one drives by. Just like thinking of your next car, think about what kind of guy you want.

The key to finding your next 1st date begins with your mind. You can instantly turn on your internal MALE GPS by figuring out specifically what you’re looking for in a guy, visualizing a man with those traits and believing he exists.

DEE: In Automatic 2nd Date you list many unique places to meet men. Tell us a few.

VICTORYA: Aside from the internet which as you know is quite the popular place to meet these days, there are many places to meet men right where you live. I advise skipping bars and clubs and just plunging yourself into the social world around you—be it at your church, country club, charity, or a special-interest group at your community center, even your work place! As you interact with more and more people, you will automatically find yourself around — and introduced to — available men.

DEE: What would you say to someone who went on a date, thought everything was perfect, yet never received a call back for a second date?

VICTORYA: If you haven’t heard back from your date within a couple of weeks, even if you were convinced it went wonderfully, think back about that evening. Did you really have anything in common? Did you talk too much about yourself? Did you “go too far” physically to the extent that you felt a little guilty the next day? Did you act too needy, too pushy, too bossy, too snotty or too boring? If any of this is the case, your date may have been scared away and wouldn’t tell you even if you asked. Don’t be too hard on yourself, though; just let it go. It was only one date and if he’s gone, that person wasn’t meant for you. At least by reviewing it honestly in your mind, you may be able to learn what to do on your next first date.

DEE: Today is Valentine’s Day. You say it’s bad to spend a lot of money on your man today. How does buying your date gifts hurt your relationship without you knowing it?

VICTORYA: Buying your man expensive gifts puts pressure on him, especially on Valentines Day. You want your man to feel like the pursuer, not the chased! Make any gift you give him more about the thought than the price tag and never out give your man. If he can’t afford to reciprocate he’ll feel he’s not good enough for you and leave. If he can reciprocate but doesn’t want to, he’ll feel pressured and leave. It’s a no win situation. So before marriage, think thoughtful and little in regards to gift giving and offer lots of gushy thanks when he gives YOU gifts.

DEE: Thanks for all your tips Victorya. Do you have a website my readers can check out for more dating secrets?

VICTORYA: Indeed I do. My website has a lot dating secrets for single women! Check it out-- it’s http://www.mantokeep.com/. You can also order my books and learn about my coaching program. I hope I have helped you begin to see that dating does NOT have to be overwhelming, scary and stressful. In fact, believe it or not, you can actually enjoy the process if you take the time to find out what you REALLY want in a man, sharpen your dating skills and take risks. There is so much information I’d love to impart to you to make dating less anxiety filled, so feel free to visit my site anytime and/or check out my book The Automatic 2nd Date.

Victorya Michaels Rogers, Dating Coach, Author The Automatic 2nd Date

Figment

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 06:52:00 +0000

To my brothers and sisters who have been brave enough to step outside the box and try this new thing we call "Online Dating"

If you've been at it for any length of time, you will have perhaps encountered folks who think you're crazy, desperate or just plain don't understand the idea of it. Maybe you began with entertainment purposes in mind and then one day, a profile spoke to you and you reached out, made contact and became hooked. Or maybe that's just me? Let me know if you feel me.

Peace,
~D

~*~*~*~*~

Figment

Sometimes I think you're a figment of my imagination
Sometimes I think I'm in it all by myself
Just when I've convinced myself it's over
or wonder had it ever been
You type up a response and then hit "send"

Recognition sets my heart aquiver
Then all of me begins to shiver
Even as I acknowledge my susceptibility
I immerse myself in thoughts of possibility

Perhaps this time things will be different
Steady and strong not intermittent
Your words will not become a song
My hopes won't just be dreams gone wrong

Not that I want to call your words a lie
They just don't come true even when I try and try
The disappointment then becomes a trend
Seems even closer than my dearest friend

You give me just enough to keep me hooked
All the while your calendar reads "booked"
You've helped me to work past my fear
Yet all the while your own is still there

The frustrating part of this whole plight
Is that you see me and what you see you like
But years and years of self dislike
Has made you forsee only slights

So I know it is time to call it quits
Deal with the real of what this is
Made up, contrived: a figment, a wish
Served hot or cold, it's an unpalatable dish

I collect my thoughts and view the screen
Curtailing my hopes with all my being
I remind myself just how long it's been
Then I resolutely click "delete"

(c) 2007 by D.S. White

Author of Age is Just a Number: Adventures in Online Dating (09/06) and Love Quest: Looking for Love in Cyberspace ... coming November 2008

Publisher of Incremental Stages by Karen Baker (12/07)

Be2.net - Free Online Dating

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 03:05:00 +0000

Be2.net
http://www.be2.net/

Alexa Traffic Rank: 121,362
Google Links from other sites: 17
Google Page Rank: 6/10
First Archive:
http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://be2.net

Tagline--"Free Online Dating: A Place For Friends"

Site Description:

Be2.net - Free Online Dating is a site for people from all over the World. It offers free profile, free email, instant messenger, video profile, video chat, rating and much more.

Site Features:

- Ability to create a free Video Profile in seconds:
- Free Unique IM system, similar to ICQ, in real time
- Upon registration, you can send: emails, instant messages, and chat with other members
- Rating system to express your opinion of other members
- Ability to create Friendship Circles and introduce new friends to your existing ones
- Ability to see who voted for you and the vote given
- Automatic Free VIP memberships! Key requirement: frequent visits.
- Health page that covers topics from Acne to Yoga

My Impression:

Upon clicking the link of Be2.net the first thing to catch my eye my the woman across the top of the page in slinky lingerie. Not a great impression for me, but maybe the fellas will love it. Another no no for me was the fact that I clicked on the "About" page and it was blank.

Pros:

Site is FREE
Joining is easy and straightforward
Site has equitable features as found in a paid site and more
Site contains a health page and links to resources
Site has wide reach - Bulgeria, United States, Turkey, Russia, Greece, United Arab Emirates, Ireland, Saudi Arabia, France, Egypt, Croatia, India, Iran, Sri Lanka, Hungary, Kuwait, Malaysia, Ukraine, China, Algeria, Italy, Jordan and Romania.

Cons:

Moving around the site could be made more intuitive.
About page is blank

Recommendation:

Overall, I found the features of Be2.net outstanding, however, due to the absence of the About page, and a certain "Russian Ladies" banner I'm left with a certain level of discomfort.

First Comes Friendship, Then Comes Marriage

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 18:54:00 +0000

By Aurelie Sheehan
Author of History Lesson for Girls

This month my husband and I are celebrating our eighth anniversary -- safely and well beyond the Seven Year Itch. We have a good marriage, and much to celebrate. What makes it work? I don’t know -- luck, probably. Or maybe it’s because it resembles, more than the relationships I’ve had with some men, the neglected, yet deeply important bond I shared with my childhood best friend.

It’s Jenny -- not Jim, Joe, Jack, John, or Jasper -- who gave me a sense of what is possible in love (minus, as they say, one thing).

1. Conversation before, during, and after school

As teenagers in a suburban Connecticut town in the seventies, Jenny and I were completely baffled, often quite amused, and sometimes horrified by what we saw around us. What could we do about it? Not much -- except we could talk.

Talking is how we made sense of things: seventies-style foibles, marriages gone awry, a school full of aliens from outer space. We laid out plans for the future, we contemplated the Essential Truth of Jim Morrison (and Jim Morrison's leather pants); we talked about poetry, mascara, and everything in between. Words were our currency, and with them, we remade the world.

My husband and I also remake the world through talking. Our world has gotten a little wider, perhaps, but we still analyze and discuss the heck out of it to make sense of the thing. We’ve got certain spots for certain kinds of discussion: the Big Topics often require the chairs in the living room, the Tense Topics are done on the fly (room to room, too hot to sit for long), and the Fun Topics are done during dinner prep. At lunch, we talk about the news of the day. And at night we talk about all manner of subjects (though he’s currently wary of revealing important new plans to me at this juncture, for once or twice my ever-lengthening silences have turned into sleep.)

Soon after we met, I told my future husband that I wished we could take a train together, a long journey, so we could just talk and talk and talk. He smiled at me. He said he likes trains, too. And he didn’t have to tell me he likes to talk. A few months later we rode our first train together, a dream come true, two very chatty people in seats 2A and 2B.

2. A whole bunch of sleepovers

They were about time, of course. Time to talk (definitely), and time just to hang out. And also my sleepovers with Jenny re-energized the most basic routines of life. A slight bore on its own, brushing my teeth became incredibly fun when we were doing it together, when a toothpaste glob had trickled down her chin, and we were nearly dying of toothpaste asphyxiation while laughing and doing a chicken dance in our Lanz of Salzburg nightgowns.

When my husband goes away, I realize how simply having company for all the mundane and everyday chores (going to Home Depot, making dinner, taking plates out of the dishwasher) makes each thing a lot more fun. Not that I always appreciate it -- it’s an embarrassment of riches, now. Do I get worked up with joy over going to Home Depot to pick up a new mop head? Not totally. But were we to do the chicken dance in the parking lot.

3. A second pirate in the Caribbean

A few months before we got engaged, I was applying for an important job. Right before the interview, my husband said: “Okay, so listen. Helen Keller once said: ‘Life is either a grand adventure or nothing at all.’ So go get ‘em, honey. You’re going to do great.”

I got the job, but more significantly I got the concept. I like to think of this marriage as a grand adventure. Yes, we’ve got the Home Depot runs and the domesticity, but the fact is, ever since I met my husband, I’ve had a conviction that our life together is full of possibility.

It’s a feeling I remember from high school, when Jenny would look over at me, we’d lock devilish stares, and then go out and do some incredibly stupid thing. But fun thing, usually. We gave each other chutzpa. We said yes to galloping our horses down the road at top speed, yes to the next party, yes to skipping algebra. Yes, most of all, to life.

4. A secret language

Jenny and I made one up and used it whenever necessary. It was an offshoot of a language she used with her dog, a waddling little Pekinese called Tammy. “Hey, Beeyoqueen, I sib suddo,” one of us would say. It was cool to have our own secret code. We felt it would be useful should we ever get arrested, for instance, which we, well, were. (It wasn’t quite as fun to chat in the back of the cop cruiser as we’d imagined it would be.) But even a simple interaction -- asking for a match or a sip of Seven-Up -- changed if we spoke our own language; it became consecrated, wholly our own thing.

My husband and I have our own language too. Sure, we’ve got your classic marital grunts and shorthand expressions to get us through before the second cup of coffee. But we’ve also developed a fascinating franglish to deploy when trying to baffle our seven-year-old. “Success a la Target purchase? Le puzzlement de la petit Potter?” he might ask, to which I’ll gesture in a quite Parisian fashion. (The kid is catching on, by the way.)

5. A place to stash my (proverbial) cigarettes

I had secrets then and I have secrets now. Back then, they were easy -- externalized, something to hide in a drawer. I don’t smoke anymore, and so I’d say my secrets now are more in the lines of character flaws. Not that I’m completely and utterly flawed, but still. These flaws or weaknesses insist upon themselves, seem tricky enough to keep coming back, and my husband knows them as well as I do. He also knows my strengths, as I do his. But I like to know that I can safely store my pack of bad habits in his house, and he won’t throw me out for it.

6. An undying, forever-feeling, all-or-nothing, Us vs. Them conviction

It may not be at the forefront of my consciousness every single time I pour a jar of Trader Joe’s marinara into a pot for a hasty dinner while he’s lying face down on the couch before a televised golf tournament. But put us at risk and it’s right there. When the doctor told my husband about his predilection for heart disease, for instance. Or when we had to find our way through the crowds in New Delhi during the Republic Day parade. Or even at certain unending dinner parties at which new theories on why there’s no such thing as global warming are being explained.

We band together then, as Jenny and I did when we were teenagers. Back then, every day felt like running the gauntlet, filled with new threats and drama and confusion. We were trying to step up to the plate; trying to explain, to articulate, who we were. We were able to succeed, sometimes, because we knew we had each other.

7. An apparently untiring audience for the first draft of my poems

And this was a heck of a lot easier for Jenny, because I only wrote one or two poems a week. And they were poems. But now I write novels. And I want him to read not just this draft but that draft and then that draft, also? The man is incredible as a reader and editor. The poems Jenny and I shared were in our handwriting, in our journals, and I’ll always love her careful square letters, whimsical and reluctant both.

8. A person who will tell me if these black shoes look better than those black shoes (she was a little better at this)

Well, never mind about this one. Forget it.

9. Mad Magazine, or something similar

We were very, very funny. We had a repertoire. We had an arsenal. We especially liked to use it during class, or when describing the personal style of various sinisterly athletic classmates or the Spanish teacher who just gave us a C+. My parents thought Jenny was too critical, too sarcastic, and her parents thought I was an oddball, out of touch. It didn’t matter what they thought, as long as we could laugh.

I remember dating a guy who was nice in every way, but our senses of humor didn’t quite match up, and that was it: we were history. Thankfully, my husband is in the other room with a big red ball on his nose right now, about to launch into morning limerick, so I think we’ll be okay.

10. Changes, yes, but some things that stay true

She changed a lot, during those years, and so did I. It was not always easy. And there have been stretches in our adult lives when we’ve fallen out of touch, when it’s not been possible to explain life changes, new mates, rapid decisions. We weather these dry spells -- in part, I believe, because we remember how our friendship was a ballast we could find nowhere else in our young lives.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments. My husband and I used Shakespeare famous words at our wedding, as have many other plucky English majors.

The quote is also a decent definition of friendship.

Copyright © 2007 Aurelie Sheehan

Author Aurelie Sheehan is the author of the short story collection Jack Kerouac Is Pregnant and the novel The Anxiety of Everyday Objects. The director of the creative writing program at the University of Arizona, she has received a Pushcart Prize, a Camargo Fellowship, and the Jack Kerouac Literary Award. She lives in Tucson with her husband and daughter.

For more information, please visit www.aureliesheehan.com

--

Photo credit: Martha Lochert

Because

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 19:33:00 +0000

Online groups are gems. They are filled with women and/or men who strive to encourage each other day in and day out. Here's a lovely bit of encouragement geared toward women that I received yesterday entitled "Because":

"BECAUSE"

Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize
what a gold mine you are, Doesn't mean you shine any less.

Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out
that you can't be topped, Doesn't stop you from being the best.

Just because no one has come along to share your life,
Doesn't mean that day isn't coming.

Just because no one has made this race worthwhile,
Doesn't give you permission to stop running.

Just because no one has realized how much of an
awesome woman you are, Doesn't mean they can affect your femininity.

Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level,
Doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs.

Just because you deserve the very best there is,
Doesn't mean that life is always fair.

Just because God is still preparing your king, Doesn't mean that
you're not already a Queen.

Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now,
Doesn't mean you need to change a thing.

Keep shining, keep running, Keep hoping, and keep praying,
Keep being exactly what you are already. COMPLETE!!

Send this on to your female friends who need to keep on doing
what they do best. BEING A WOMAN OF GOD!!!!

by TD Jakes

So ladies, the next time folks ask you why you're single, don't have a man, are in the situation you're in etc... tell 'em "Because!"

Pricelesspartner.com

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 13:54:00 +0000

Pricelesspartner.com
http://www.pricelesspartner.com/

Alexa Traffic Rank: 174,889
Google Links from other sites: 10
Google Page Rank: 4/10
First Archive:
http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://pricelesspartner.com

Tagline--"100% Free Personals at Pricelesspartner.com"

Site Description:

Pricelesspartner.com is a completely free singles community run entirely by me, for you. Stop paying the other dating sites and experience the 1-On-1 Priceless Partner difference.

Site Features:

- direct webcam chat between all members
- sophisticated compatibility calculators
- local zip code searches
- secure mailing systems and authorized friendship lists.

The feature list keeps growing by the day (thanks to direct feedback from members).

My Impression:

Upon clicking the link of Pricepartners.com I was transported into a blue world of possibilities. Blue here refers to the site color: pale blues which renders a nice calming effect. However, the following heading which jumped out at me killed some of that lovely calming effect. And I quote: "horny girls"

Nevertheless, I persevered and came upon what I would consider the Mission Statement of the site:

"So I'm here to help you have fun online, expand your existing circle of friends, enable you to have your say on issues of importance to your life, provide quality feedback on the forums, and to ultimately find that perfect 'priceless partner' in life."

Pros:

Site is FREE
Joining is easy and straightforward
Site has equitable features as found in a paid site
Site has wide reach - United States, United Kingdom, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand and Canada.

Cons:

Pricelesspartner.com does not seem to edit or censor database information.

Recommendation:

Overall, I found Pricelesspartner.com to be just as good as any other dating site out there. Users would need to remember my golden rule when it comes to Internet dating. If (s)he seems too good to be true ... (s)he usually is.

The site creator, Greg, states that Pricelesspartner.com is growing at the rate of 25% per month, making it one of the busiest dating sites on the net. I have no way of verifying those numbers, however, it does make me curious enough to try Pricelesspartner.com's Free Personals, love is priceless ... right?

Love Quest: Looking for Love in Cyberspace

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Thu, 03 May 2007 05:11:00 +0000

Hi Folks,

I know it's been a minute... but guess what? I've not been sleeping. I've taught myself how create my own book cover and since it's my first one ... I'm sure there are a gazillion mistakes but I'm just so goshdurned proud that they won't even bother me ... at first.

Anyway, here it is, my cover for Love Quest: Looking for Love in Cyberspace which will be available around June 21st.

Keeping in mind that it is a how-to book, I'd love to hear your feedback and I'd love it even more if you'd take a moment to cast your vote for the design of your choice.

Thanks in advance for your invaluable assistance.

Peace,
Dee

Cover No. 1

Vote for this cover

Cover No. 2

Vote for this cover

Cover No. 3

Vote for this cover

Cover No. 4

Vote for this cover

Cover No. 5

Vote for this cover

WomanSavers.com

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 20:19:00 +0000

WomanSavers.com
http://www.womansavers.com

Contact: womansavers [at] womansavers.com
Alexa Traffic Rank: 60,487
Google Links from other sites: 450
Google Page Rank: 5/10
First Archive:

http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://womansavers.com

Tagline--"Research and Rate B4U Date!"

Site Description: World s largest database rating good AND bad men. A sisterhood of women who network together to help women worldwide avoid dating alleged cheating, lying or abusive men. Research & Rate B4 U Date for safer dating worldwide!

Site Features:

- World's Largest Database Rating Men (over 25,000 men currently entered by women)
- Internet's Highest Trafficked Abused Women's Message Board
- Free Medical Advice for women without resources
- Free Psychotherapy Advice
- Free Relationship Articles
- Women's Relationship & Sex Polls
- Free Women's relationship games
- Free women's relationship cartoon ecards
- Articles on abuse, infidelity and how to catch a cheater
- Free video & audio chat room

My Impression:

Upon clicking the link of WomanSavers.com I was transported into a world of women who have made it their business to protect each other. In that realm of sisterhood while not specifically verbalized there's a clear-cut message that says, "we've had enough and we're not gonna take
it anymore!" With pictures provided where possible, reports on the good, the bad and the downright ugly are made available to all who would desire its use.

Pros:

Joining is easy and straightforward

Good reports are included as well as bad to give a balanced feel to the site

FREE mental and physical advice from professionals

Deals with topics most avoid: abuse, infidelity, mental issues

Interactive and supportive

WomanSaver’s proceeds are donated to abused women and children’s charities

Site available to men as well as women

Cons:

Color scheme too busy

Site not intuitively organized.

WomanSavers does not edit or censor database information and no information can be guaranteed or verified.

Suggestions:

My thoughts: Overall, I'm not quite sure that I agree with the existence of this site and others like it. As an Internet dater myself I have encountered all types of mentalities and a few characters with nefarious intentions. However, I do realize that there is always an unguarded moment where our desires as women overrule our commonsense and we let clues pass us by.

That being said, as I review this site, I'm ambivalent. I think it is a unique and courageous idea of the owner of the site to see a need and go to bat to create ways in which to fill said need. I've heard the heartbreak stories from both men and women and have counseled both sexes. When the opportunity arose, I asked one question. "Were there no clues?" Upon listing some obvious clues. I was met with silence. Then a reluctant admission that, that behavior or omission had been noticed but brushed aside.

I'm a firm believer in the saying, "knowledge is power," or scripturally speaking, "my people perish for lack of knowledge". However, I can't help feeling that the emphasis should be more on the education of safe techniques for dating, than a list of offenders. My main objection being the fact that Biblically speaking there is a rule of two to three witnesses before someone can be accused of an offense.

What concerns me is the thought that rejected folk will use it as a tool to lash out at innocent men. What would balance it out in my mind would be a stipulation that no one would be listed on the site unless there were at least two complaints. In addition, someone accused should have the opportunity to share their side of the story... murderers have that right, why not also purported liars and cheaters? There should also be a provision that those accused be notified and given a time frame to respond with their story and only upon expiration of the time frame should their photo and name be made public.

Recommendation:

No matter my reservations on the possible skewing of the site's intent. The stats above overwhelmingly show that there is a definite need for this site and others like it. If only for the resource section and the fact that donations are used for abused women and children's charities. I would recommend the site. So if you're sick and tired of being sick and tired of being lied to, cheated on etc. or you would simple like a place to find some tips on relationships try WomanSavers.com.

RealChristianSingles.com

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 01:21:00 +0000

Hi Folks,

Here for your reading pleasure is my latest interview with the proprietor of an online dating site:

Q&A with Lee Wilson of Real Christian Singles.com
Hi Lee,

Thank you for consenting to this interview. Prior to composing the questions, I took a look at your site, Real Christian Singles, and aside from an arbitrary thought or two about what constitutes fake Christian singles ... lol, I found the site to be crisp, clean and well organized. I also noted some features that I'd like to hear about so let's begin shall we?

Q: Why an online dating website?

A: I'm tired of Christians feeling as though they have no options except to compromise their values by dating or even marrying someone who does not hold their Christian values. I want to help increase the number of marriages that are two people who follow Jesus and will raise hildren to follow Him. Plus, it's tons of fun!

Q: I notice that your services are free. What was the basis for that decision?

A: In my mind, the members of the site are the actual draw to the site. They are that make the site fun and active. So I don't want to prevent single Christians who do not have the extra cash to pay out. So I offer membership and use of all features for free. The site is funded by book sales and Google ads.

Q: Have you used your own service? If so, what was the outcome?

A: I use the site for the message forum and my signature there tells everyone that I'm married. I don't use the site's service, I just offer it.

Q: How long have you been in business and what's the greatest lesson you've learned?

A: We've been online since 2004. The greatest lesson I've learned is that when you
bust your butt to provide a great product, people will use it and enjoy it.

Q: I see that you have a book store that sells books geared towards Christian Singles. Great idea! How has it been working so far and how
would an author offer his/her book for sale on your site?

A: We sell some books, it helps to pay the bills. An author with a published book can email us (the email address is on our website) and we'll review it.

Q: What would be the best piece of advice you would give to real Christian singles curious but unsure about the whole online dating
thing?

A: I'd say that life is too short not to be a seeker. Meeting a Christian online is no different than meeting that person at church, college or work. That person is just as much a real person and could be just as much a Godsend.

Thanks Lee for allowing us a peek into the motivating factors of your site.

Well there you have it folks, with a membership of about 10,000 there are opportunities to seek and possibly find real Christian singles.

Til next time,

Dee

Please Vote for Me!

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 21:30:00 +0000

Hi folks,

Hope you're all enjoying your President's Day off. I'd like to ask a favor of you. I'd like to win Cushcity.com's Best New Author Award for 2007.

The book that makes me eligible for nomination is none other than the blook based on and named after this blog: Age is Just a Number: Adventures in Online Dating

I know we tried it last year (for which I thank those of you who voted) and I didn't win. The good news is, we get another shot at it again this year.

I'm currently a nominee and I have exactly nine days to round up enough nominations, in order to make it into the top twenty finalists. For that to happen, I need as many people to nominate me as possible.

Each nomination counts as a vote that brings me closer to the finalist mark. That being said, I'd love it if you'd take a moment to nominate me, D.S. White, for the Best New Author Award 2007.

Now for those of you wondering, why I started so late. Well you see that old fear of success feeling reared its head again and I've been doing the "do it!" ... "don't do it!" dance. You know that kind of way.

Finally, I decided that this is going to be the year of "You have not, because you ask not" so here I am, doing what is hard for me: asking.

Thanks in advance,
Dee

Click on this link to nominate me or use information below:

Nomination email address: nominations@cushcity.com
Subject Line: D.S. White - Best New Author Award

Happy Valentine's Day!

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 13:39:00 +0000

Hi Folks,

I know it's been a while, between connectivity problems, my church duties and my new J O B, I've been quite the busy one. Unfortunately, not busy writing, however.

Anyway, I couldn't let the holiday for lovers pass by without mention so, sweets for the sweet! Hope you have a lovely valentine's day. Click here for my valentine greeting newsletter and update

Peace,
Dee

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 22:44:00 +0000

Buried at PhotoCasket.com

How Could He?

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 17:10:00 +0000

Why can't I breathe
in his presence
quickly looking away when he
glances in my direction
wishing I could just
disappear, vanish
turn into a mere whisper
a faded memory
whenever I feel his gaze on me

He is so beautiful
breathtakingly gorgeous
an easy smile and magnetic eyes
firm hands, wide chest
I want to get lost in the curve of him
ride the smooth sway of him

But, he is too much for me
looks too good for me
what I am thinkin
he would never, could never
even consider me

I am forever stuck in friend zone

Not fly enough to be his
wouldn't be able to compare to
the many girls clawing for him
wouldn't be able to withstand
the nonstop insults slung at me
for even attempting
to think myself worthy

He thinks me clever, smart
cute, maybe funny
He finds reasons to grab me
touch my hand
hold me close
I luv the throb of him
can't wait for the vibe of him

But we always laugh
playfully flirt
as I pull away
retreat
inhale and pray
that I haven't made a fool of myself
that I haven't revealed my true heart
and set myself up for rejection

Cuz, I know he is too fine for me
doesn't really want me
I mean
how could he?

(c) 2006 by a.Kai

A Bit of Husband and Wife Humor

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 22:59:00 +0000

It's that time again folks. That's right. It's time to share one of the humorous gems from one of online groups. I call this one "Husband with a Death Wish" ... LOL:

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??"

So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?"

I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to bed. The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store... I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them.

She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK.

She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."

I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the Spring thaw.

Visa Versa: A Novel

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Fri, 03 Nov 2006 03:58:00 +0000

Black men suffer in the dating game too!

This book is a journey of a Black man seeking a partner to share life with. He is an educated professional who finds himself alone and lonely. You as the reader travel along his journey with him as he attempts to find a "good" woman. He suffers from many taboos and attacks upon his character for being a Black man. He hears how "bad" Black men are and he is challenged to overcome these myths.

Travel along with him as he suffers from friends setting him up. Take his ride through dating services, journey with him as he tries personal ads and even the church, only to find that the same heartaches, pain and suffering are endured by men as women. The stories will cause you to think, laugh and cry as you journey with our SBM seeking a "good" SBF.

Along with stories of his experiences there are reflection in verse on his suffering, observations and personal challenges. The last story will just make you cry.

About the Author:
About me, and who am I? I could tell you about my successes in business and education. I could tell you about my failures. I could tell you of all the places I’ve traveled to and inform you of my worldly treasures. This is not who I am nor is it what I’m about.

I am the people who bravely walked across the ice bridge to populate the world from the great continent of Africa where all life began. I am the Zulu the Masai. I am the men and women who were savagely stolen from their lands and placed into slavery throughout the globe. I am the thousands of men who died fighting for freedom in the civil war whose reward was segregation and lynching. I am the men and women, who lived and died trying to survive in a land they built and were not welcome to stay in.

I am the men who died in World War II fighting the evils of Hitler only to come home to evils of Jim Crow. I am the freedom fighters whose strength was so great that they allowed dogs to bite them and allow fire hoses turned on them to empower the future with civil rights.

I am the convertible top, the traffic light and the multitudes of inventions created by men and women of Africa decent. I am the doctors and lawyers and I am the crack head and the criminal. I am the home owner and the welfare family. I am the strong beautiful single Black mother and I am the drunk and skirt chaser, I am the person running from who I am and I am the proud Black man standing in your face.

I am the child in the ghetto with no hope for future and success and I am the privileged child who is expected to be a success. I am a sum total to all my people. Those who had struggled those who have failed and those who have succeed. I am the sum total of every black man and woman in the past, the present and into the future. What I have is because of them. What I am about is knowing where I came from, what I live with and what I’ll have in the future. All my people is who I am!

(c) 2006 by Christopher Darrick Odom. All Rights Reserved.

You're Invited...

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 22:20:00 +0000

You're Invited...

To a Book Chat

moderated by Rachel Ramone of

The Phenomenal Women Yahoo Group

for

Author: D.S. White

Where: phpMyChat Chatroom in the "Default" Room, register here

When: Saturday, November 4, 2006 - 8 PM (EST)

How: Register now or tomorrow before chatting, then click above-mentioned link

Objective: To find out more about the book (the message),

the purpose (is it about the buck, the notoriety, the talent or what?)

and the author (what makes her qualified to expound thusly?)

A note from the author:

Hi Folks,

If you've already purchased copies of AIJAN, I thank you and hope to see you there. If you've not had time but would like to participate you may still do so by reading the excerpts provided and/or purchasing the eBook.

Now ya'll don't show up just to show up ... come primed with questions to make me think, laugh and/or squirm ... everything's fair game, except for the dreaded ... "Umm... whatchu wearing ma?" ...LOL...

Peace,

Dee
I am who I am, by the grace of God.

P.S. Be sure to check here for the latest updates.

The Beauty of Gold

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 01:41:00 +0000

Gold, since ancient days of Egypt it has been a desired commodity. Having it signified a certain cachet and the more you had, the more important or wealthy you were deemed.

Nothing much has changed in that aspect in today's world. Well ... maybe no one will bow down and worship you because you have on a pair of gold earrings or a gold bracelet.

However, gold has retained its value in that it is considered a unique investment. With the use of a reputable investment company, one can buy gold or any other precious metal (available in coin or ingot form which is pure bullion cast in a convenient size and shape) and as such diversify their investments, protect wealth and preserve their purchasing power.

For over 30 years, the Monex companies have been America's gold and precious metals investment leader backed by a large and dedicated staff of hard asset professionals committed to serving your precious metals investment needs via a convenient market and competitive precious metals prices.

Girls Most Likely: A Novel

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 17:30:00 +0000

by Sheila Williams
Published by One World/Ballantine

paperback US$13.95
ISBN: 0345464761

About the book:
"We didn't know then that the dramas we imagined weren't even warm-ups for what real life held for us."

From the fifth grade to their fifth decade, Vaughn, Reenie, Susan, and Audrey have shared secrets and dreamed dreams -- their lives connected like silk threads through rich fabric, pulling but never breaking at life's unexpected twists and turns. Meet the girls most likely

To Write the Great American Novel: Vaughn has a flair for words that makes her the unofficial diplomat of the foursome. She's great at keeping it together for everybody -- but herself.

To Marry a Prince: Sassy Reenie can break hearts as easily as she can take out a bully without breaking a nail. But her live-for-today attitude leads to a tragic mistake that will haunt the girls for years.

To be Famous: From the ashes of a ravaged home life, amid rumors and bad feelings, Susan rises to fame as a glamorous network anchorwoman, proving that success is the best revenge. But forgiveness is another matter.

To Run the World: Audrey is the ultimate overachiever, but this takes a devastating toll on her health, her career, and her family. Perfection is a race where the finish line keeps moving. What will she sacrifice to win?

Girls Most Likely is an emotional, uplifting, often hilarious glimpse into the lives of today's ever-changing African American women, sustained by love, laughter, and sisterhood.

Read an excerpt

About the author:
Sheila J. Williams was born in Columbus, Ohio. She attended Ohio Wesleyan University and is a graduate of the University of Louisville in Louisville, Kentucky. Sheila and her husband live in northern Kentucky.

For more information, please visit the author's Web site at www.sheilajwilliams.com.

A Word about Subscriptions

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 15:03:00 +0000

I just opened my Feedblitz subscription email and had the laugh of my life! Blogging buddy (and I use the term widely) over at Fugetaboutit!!! shared some early morning husband and wife interaction that I absolutely must pass on. For those of us single folks ... something to look forward to? Who knows...

Anyway, time to get your laugh on! You might even want to check out a few blogs at Feedblitz and get yourself a subscription or three.

***

My wife is some kind spy or something...

“Uh… honey… why is there a miniature satellite dish in your dressing area?”

“What are you talking about Calabrese?”

“What is that? It looks like you’re trying to track incoming missiles.”

“It’s a diffuser.”

“What do you need a diffuser for? Is something about to go off?

“Something is about to go off all right.”

“What, I can’t ask a simple question?”

“Why are you bugging me? You know better than to bug me when I’m trying to get ready.

“I was just curious. A guy can’t show a little interest in his wife’s weaponry?”

“It attaches to the hair dryer numb nuts.”

“The hairdryer? Come on, seriously, what is that thing?”

“I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“Oh I get it. It’s a secret. You could tell me but then you’d have to kill me.”

“No, I’ll kill you because you’re annoying me.”

“What is all this crap? It looks like James Bond has moved in with us.”

“It helps keep my hair curly.”

“But your hair is naturally curly.”

“It doesn’t naturally curl the right way.”

“Uh... isn’t curly just curly? Plus I thought you wanted to wear your hair straight.”

“I did.”

“But now you want it curly?”

“Yes.”

“What happened to all the other weapons you had here? What happened to that stuff that makes your hair straight?”

“Listen up Calabrese. You are not going to talk about my hair on stage. You are not going to write about my hair in your blog. You are not going to mention my hair to anyone. Capiche Calabrese?”

“Are you part of some secret government agency?”

“Knock it off Calabrese.”

“You’re no fun today.”

“I am trying to finish curling my hair.”

Before You Pop the Question

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 05:11:00 +0000

So, the online dating arena was a big success. You’re ready to pop the question, but first you need the prerequisite diamond engagement ring.

Located in the world famous diamond district of Manhattan, Primestyle.com offers the finest selection of Quality Diamonds & Jewelry at Low Prices. In their own words, “we ensure that you will NEVER PAY RETAIL PRICES AGAIN...PERIOD!”

Okay, so you’re ready to propose, you’ve got a probable jeweler, so you walk in and pick the biggest and brightest diamond you can afford … right? NOT!

The clearest diamond of the highest Karat does you no good if it’s set in yellow gold, when it should be white gold, or if it’s the traditional stone, when it should be pear-shaped or if the design is clunky when it should be delicate and barely there.

Before you spend a dollar, take her personal style into consideration. Then and only then will you have … the perfect ring … for her.

Excerpt: Men, Love & Sex

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 20:21:00 +0000

What Makes a Man Fall in Love?

Why we can't let love in until you've shown us the way -- and the simple words that can unleash our deepest affections.

Question: Guys, do you believe you've met your soul mate?

Yes, I'm with her right now.................................. 53 Percent

Yes, but we're no longer together:........................ 14 Percent

Yes, but we were never together as a couple:......... 9 Percent

No:.......................................................................... 24 Percent

Think of a great relationship as though it were a great meal: A delicious, meaty steak of sexual passion accompanied by a fine, delicate wine of romance and commitment. Both of us want it all -- the perfect, satisfying course. And we need both -- steak by itself is dry and unsatisfying; and wine will get you tipsy, but it won't satisfy your hunger. Now, before the metaphor police revoke my license, let me simply push this analogy a little further: Men are a little more focused on the meat of the relationship, and women a bit more on the wine. But both sexes want to get up from the table completely satisfied. Need evidence? More than three-fourths of men believe in soul mates (see above). And when we asked our guys to choose between meeting the love of their life or having amazing sex for six months, 92 percent chose falling in love. (The other 8 percent were probably Maxim readers.) Consider what these three men said about the experience of falling in love:

"We need to feel love, loyalty, and chemistry above all else," says Ian, 31.

"Men also feel the butterflies and giddiness that women do when they're in love," says Robert, 26.

"Women don't realize most guys are in love long before they are willing to admit it to anyone," says Drew, 30.

So why then does it always seem like women are leading the relationship toward commitment, and men need to be dragged along like a preschooler to a dentist appointment? Because in the early-on Stratego game of dating, we need to see where you're moving first. Consider this: Less than half of men say they're typically the first ones to say "I love you" in a relationship, and more women than men initially broach the subject of taking the relationship to the next level.

That points to the notion that what men really want when it comes to love is your assurance -- your permission, really -- that it's okay to let the butterflies out of the cage.

Michael, 37, a restaurant owner in North Carolina, says he's cautious about expressing himself early on -- not because he's complacent or wants to play games or wants to make the woman squirm like a mouse in a cat's mouth. He holds back because he's waiting to get the signal that it's okay to press the accelerator.

"I love to hear that I'm her dream come true, or some version of that, if that's the case," he says. "I need a little praise and attention, just as much as she needs it from me. That's the sign I need. Then, I know I can give her what she needs."

Chris, 29, a recently married public defender, agrees. "Men need to be told that they're wanted," he says. "Women forget that if they like a nice guy, that the nice guy might be too nervous to tell them what he feels." And then he added this interesting insight: "Women need to be more open to being hurt the way guys are every day."

Hold on a second. Guys are hurt more often than women?

Hmm. Think about it: In the romance game, it's usually the man who makes the first move (usually after you've dropped him countless hints waiting for him to finally pick up on them). But in doing so, men open themselves up to more rejection than a telemarketing trainee. And believe me, even George Clooney has a psychic master list of turn-downs that he still winces over from time to time.

So once a man has crossed that first barrier -- okay, you like him, it's safe -- he's reluctant to cross the next. Like monkeys in a lab, we've been shocked plenty of times before, and if we're in a safe place with you, we're happy simply to stay there. So it's a delicate balance -- a woman needs to signal that it's okay for him to take the next step, without making him feel as if he's being pushed toward it. Let him know that you feel there's something really special between you. Let him know it's okay if he lets himself feel that, too. But proceed cautiously -- there's danger ahead, as you'll see.

How Do I Know Where This Relationship is Heading?
I've been seeing a guy for about three weeks, and I feel like it's going to be pretty serious. After the first two dates, we've been seeing each other a lot. Last week, we got together twice during the week and twice on the weekend. I'd like to talk about where this is headed, but I don't want to scare him away. I just want to make sure we're both on the same page about where we are, whether we're seeing other people, and where this might go. What's he thinking?

He's thinking that, three weeks into dating, he doesn't want to have this conversation. To him, that's a relationship birth announcement. Today, we welcome the birth of a beautiful committed couple, weighing in at eight dates, two movies, and six orgasms (five for him, one for her): It's Bob and Cindy! Congratulations! It's too formal, too official, too planned. And that formality serves as the fire extinguisher to the initial spark he's been feeling. "The only thing worse than a woman who doesn't show any interest after a few dates is a woman who shows too much," says Anthony, 25. Terry, 32, adds: "Slow down. Please don't tell us that you love us after three weeks." Think of it this way. You know how you don't like when he skips the foreplay and goes right to the sex? When you talk about the status of a relationship too early, it's like skipping the foreplay of pursuit and going right to the private parts of commitment. If he's seeing you four times a week, then it's a good sign that your relationship is headed in the right direction. Just let him have some fun -- and some mystery -- while he's getting there.

How Do I Know When It's Time to Tell Him my Feelings?
I've been seeing a man for only two months. Perfect guy. He's funny, has a great job, I love hanging out with him. We even took this great weekend vacation together and everything seemed to click. I just have this feeling that this is going to work, and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way. I don't want to blow it, and while I obviously don't want to pretend to be somebody that I'm not, I also don't want to do anything that could jeopardize the relationship. Any hints for how to take things from here?

Two months may seem like a blip on the relationship radar, but for some guys, that qualifies as a full-fledged era. At this point, men certainly want some honesty. "If she is more open with me, I'll be more open with her, especially at the beginning when you're both feeling each other out, emotionally," says Warren, 33. But that comes with a caution. Feel free to be honest about your feelings, but don't make assumptions about his. Don't use the word us. At this stage, you'll solidify your primo status if you talk about what you like about him, what you get out of a relationship with him, what turns you on about him. Us scares him; him excites him. (Yes, we're our own favorite subject, but that's just human nature.) It's a way of saying you love the relationship while giving him the ego-boosting rush he craves -- all without making him think you're brushing up on the four Cs of diamond shopping. At this still-early stage, that's a secret to tip-toeing between giving him permission to love and giving him a reason to leave.

Should I Give Him an Ultimatum?
My live-in boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for about a year and a half, living together for somewhere around six months. I'm 31 and my family is giving me a hard time -- like I should just go ahead and move on if he's not going to be the one because I'm wasting time. My best friend even says to me that there's no way he's going to marry me because he's getting all the sex of a nonmarried relationship without the commitment. I've debated a lot about giving him an ultimatum or a deadline, but something tells me that's a bad idea. How will I know if he's ever going to be ready to make the next step?

You may think that men are afraid of the marriage commitment because we want to leave options open, because we're waiting for something better, or because we fear it'll be the official end of hot-tub sex. Jay, 30, says a man's hesitation isn't about indifference; it's actually the opposite. "Men are just as unsure about the relationship thing as women," he says. "I'm getting married in a couple months to a woman I love deeply, who I know will be a fantastic wife and mother to my future children. Is she my soul mate? Tough question, but if not, she's pretty darn close." When we decide we want to be married, we want to do the right thing -- for both of us. So should you give him an ultimatum? I don't think so. If you've been honest with him about your feelings for him -- for him, not for "the relationship" -- then you're probably at the point in your relationship where you should be able to ask him straight up about his feelings for you. If he can't tell you what he thinks and what he feels, well, that's probably your answer.

Reprinted from: Men, Love & Sex: The Complete User's Guide for Women by David Zinczenko with Ted Spiker © 2006 David Zinczenko. Permission granted by Rodale, Inc., Emmaus, PA 18098. Available wherever books are sold or directly from the publisher by calling at (800) 848-4735.

David Zinczenko, editor-in-chief of Men's Health magazine, has written op-ed pieces for the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, and USA Today and is a frequent guest on the Today show, talking about men and relationships. In 2003, People magazine named him one of the "50 Most Eligible Bachelors." He divides his time between Allentown, Pennsylvania, and New York City.

Ted Spiker, an assistant professor of journalism at the University of Florida, is a contributing editor to Men's Health. He lives in Gainesville, Florida.>

For more information, visit www.menloveandsex.com or http://www.rodalestore.com/

Excerpt: How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk

dee411@gmail.com (Dee) — Sat, 14 Oct 2006 10:39:00 +0000

The following is an excerpt from the book How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk
by John Van Epp, Ph.D.
Published by McGraw-Hill; September 2006;$22.95US/$26.95CAN; 0-07-147265-7
Copyright © 2006 John Van Epp, Ph.D.

Idealization: See No Evil

Unhealthy emotional needs lead people to develop one of three relationship patterns that attempt to interpersonally resolve what can only be fixed intrapersonally. In other words, when you do not deal directly with your issues, they often become embedded in your relationships. At that point, you may no longer recognize them as your own issues, because they have become clouded by the dynamics of the relationship. You plunge forward to fix the relationship, all the while needing really to fix yourself. Regrettably, it does not work and your relationship continues to suffer. This will repeat until you identify your own problems and make the necessary changes within yourself.

The first pattern, idealization, occurs when you avoid feeling disappointment and pain by always looking through rose-colored glasses. A perfect example of this was a young woman, Ellie, who had grown up in a home where her mother died and her father subsequently remarried. During her adolescence, her father was tragically killed. His second wife favored her own children, leaving Ellie starved for love and attention. It was not surprising that Ellie soon met and married a man whom she had known only a short time. During their brief courtship, he lavished her with praise and adoration, calling himself Prince Charming.

No doubt you know this age-old story of Ellie (her good friends knew her as Cinder Ellie, although most refer to her as Cinderella). She idealized everything! It was her way of surviving the atrocities of her family life. The beloved Disney version began with Cinderella waking up to the singing of the bluebirds and joining in with her own song, "No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true."

I do not mean to tarnish the ending of this fairy tale, but seriously, don't you wonder whether Ellie looked at her prince through the lenses of overidealism? She wore clothes made from bluebirds, rescued trapped mice and dressed them in cute clothing, and never seemed to complain, even when she had to work all day and night! Maybe she was so determined to live her dream that she overlooked certain warning signals in order to fulfill her idealistic wishes. Idealism always becomes dangerous when it blinds you to reality.

Her prince was a wealthy, royal only child who was looking for the perfect woman. Men with the prince's profile usually turn out to be controlling, narcissistic, and emotionally abusive. They often have an extreme swing from infatuation to detachment as soon as some imperfection blemishes their ideal love. Ellie's idealism ultimately was leading her into the exact same family dynamic she experienced within her family of origin.

Your unhealthy need for idealistic love can be broken only by your individual efforts to face your pain and those who afflicted you, and to deal directly with the loss of having never been shown the love you needed, wanted, and deserved. Many times such efforts require courage to feel the loss as well as to face those who hurt you. A better blend of reality with idealism and the caution to test the one you trust over time will help distinguish an illusion from a genuine dream.

Rebounds and Crash Landings

Are you too trusting, always seeing the good and jumping to positive conclusions too quickly? Do you get into a relationship and immediately become swept away by the furious waves of attention and love? Do you find yourself enamored with this prince or princess, spending every free moment with that person, constantly conversing by phone or computer, or just talking to him or her in your head? If so, then you need to step back and look at your track record. If you have a history of these dreamy love attacks that end up spiraling into nightmares, then you may be avoiding some of your past pain by projecting your ideals onto a prince or princess who is nothing more than an ordinary frog.

Tonya had just ended a five-year relationship when she had her Cinderella nightmare. It began when she was approached by Will in a local club that she frequented. Will worked there and had talked briefly with Tonya in the past, but he had never engaged in any in-depth conversation with her. That night, however, Tonya started to tell Will, who listened intently, the tale of her long and rocky relationship. After an hour or so, Tonya remarked how understanding and attentive Will was and what a contrast this experience was from what she was used to. They went out that night and continued to talk until sunrise.

This began a romantic whirlwind that, after just thirty days, led Will to ask Tonya to marry him. She responded with an enthusiastic yes, having come out of a relationship with a commitment-phobe, and they made plans to move in together and save money for the wedding. Tonya confided in me that although Will had a long history of failed relationships, he had never truly been in love and no woman had ever made him feel so good. When I asked how many skeletons were actually in his closet, she blushed and disclosed that he had been with more than a hundred women. I warned her about the ways history repeats itself, but she acted hurt that I was not happier for her.

The day he moved in with her was both his first and his last. He brought a chair that Tonya did not think fit the decor of her home. When she tried to talk with him about this, Will snapped that it was his chair. Tonya retorted that it was her home. At this point, Will realized that she thought of the house as hers and not theirs.

Nothing was unusual about this kind of an argument. In fact, you would expect it to occur under the circumstances. But as a result, Will lost all feelings for Tonya and decided to move out the same day he moved in. Tonya was crushed (although I thought she was really spared). She couldn't understand how someone could feel so strongly in love one moment and then be so ice-cold the next.

Tonya encountered the unhealthy effects of idealization. How did this happen? It began when she was reeling from the rebound effect of her previous relationship and in her pain had concluded that no good men were out there, at least, none were available. You might think that this mentality would have made Tonya apprehensive about the sincerity of a man approaching her, but instead, it only ratcheted up her hopes for a perfect love. When Will treated her in ideal ways, she projected onto him all of her dreams of true love, and like a tightly wound spring, burst forward in her dependency and commitment to a man she really didn't know.

Will also suffered from idealization. He had a chronic and long-standing narcissistic condition, much like his father did. As the youngest, though, he did not overtly display his father's temper. Instead, he was a charmer. Narcissists do not appear self-centered at the beginning of a relationship. Will, for instance, craved ideal love, and his ego was inflated when Tonya looked at him as "the perfect lover who could meet her needs better than any other." This made Will feel like a god in Tonya's life during the first stages of their relationship.

Only after some time do narcissists reveal their extreme demands, a kind of "buy now, pay later" arrangement. Once one disappointment blemishes the relationship, the narcissist can never retrieve that fantasy feeling of true love. The benevolent god becomes depraved and angry, exacting obedient love while never feeling satisfied or fulfilled. This is why Will was so amazing in the beginning of a relationship but so quick to quit whenever something went wrong. Narcissism lacks resiliency; so when the first flaw appears, love begins to die.

Copyright © 2006 John Van Epp, Ph.D.

Author
John Van Epp, Ph.D., conducts seminars and workshops worldwide on marriage and relationships. His popular video program, How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk, is being taught by certified instructors internationally in thousands of churches, singles organizations, educational and agency settings, and throughout the military. He has been happily married for more than twenty-five years. Visit his website at www.johnvanepp.com.